PART 3
EXT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCK - DAY
Ike rides sadly on the back of a forklift, gets off and walks
out.
EXT. HALE RESIDENTIAL STREET - ANOTHER MORNING
ANGLE ON MAGGIES HOUSE:
A train goes by. A modest clapboard house with a porch. Two
entrances. A PAPERBOY tosses a paper onto the lawn in front of
the house. The front door opens and Maggie appears fresh out of
bed, wearing only a jacket and panties. Heedless of being seen
this way, she scampers out to the sidewalk to pick up her
delivered paper: USA Today. She tears off the plastic bag and
rips into it, looking for her letter. She finds it. A smile on
her face, then she scampers back into the house.
INT. MAGGIES HOUSE - THAT MOMENT
Maggie skips back into her house which she shares with Father
and Grandma. A cozy and eclectic place creatively furnished on
a shoe-string. She rushes into: KITCHEN WHERE BOB KELLY,
fiance #4, is packing cans into a backpack. Bob, 38, has a
pleasant face and a body that is almost shockingly buff. Hes
wearing a T-shirt that reads: "Mountaineers Do It Against the
Wall.", Maggie dances over, waving the paper and singing.
MAGGIE
She canned him, she canned him...
Bob test the weight of the backpack adding dehydrate food.
BOB
Come here, Mag, and try this on.
Maggie puts the paper on the kitchen counter and starts to read
aloud, paying no mind to Bob, who is sticking her arms through
the straps of the backpack.
MAGGIE
Listen: "Dear Ms. Carpenter, I
apologize to you for this unfortunate
matter. Ike Grahams column will no
longer be appearing in this paper.
Best of luck in you upcoming marriage!"
Bob continues to hold up the weight of the backpack as he straps
it onto Maggies shoulders.
BOB
That-a-girl! You sacked him.
(checking pack)
This is the weight of the pack youre
going to have to carry in the Himalayas.
Tell me if its too heavy.
Bob lets go and Maggie FALLS BACKWARD, disappearing behind the
counter, and hitting the floor, with a THUD. Bob looks down at
her. Maggies voice rises from the floor behind the counter.
MAGGIE (o.s.)
Its a little... Its a little heavy...
Help me, baby.
Bob has no answer. He reaches a hand down. He yelps as Maggie
pulls him down on top of her, out of frame. We HEAR them giggle
and kiss.
INT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCK - ANOTHER DAY
Fisher uses the dock for a photo shoot featuring men and women
in evening and formal wear from Escada for G.Q. Fisher is not
actually shooting the camera, but rather supervising it.
Fisher claps his hands and calls the models to attention. Then
he goes onto the stage and sets the models in their positions.
FISHER (contd)
Remember, we are putting the "fun" back
into formal.
(to Ike)
I just say that for the agency guys. I
dont even know what that means. Now
follow me.
INT. USA TODAY OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY
Elevator doors open. Ike and Fisher exit and walk towards the
coffee table.
FISHER
Ike, I really liked the Runaway Bride
piece, and since I do freelance stuff
for G.Q., Im in a different position
now...
IKE
What are you trying to say to me, Fish?
They stop walking.
FISHER
Vindication. How would you like to get
some? A chance to prove that, though
your facts werent entirely straight,
your theory was correct.
IKE
(hiding his hope)
The real story on Miss Carpenter.
FISHER
All the gory details.
They start walking again.
IKE
(excited)
The anatomy of the black widow spider
of Maryland.
FISHER
It wouldnt be a bad way to get you
back into writing feature pieces
again.
IKE
(enthusiastically)
This is good. It is a good story,
Fish.
They stop at the coffee table and grab something to eat.
FISHER
(nods)
If she runs, then its a cover story.
All true. All accurate.
IKE
(confesses)
Okay, you were right. I hated my
column, but I can do this assignment.
FISHER
Then youve got it. If you leave
tomorrow for the hinterlands, youll
have plenty of time before her next
wedding trot.
IKE
"Paid vindication" Thats what I call
justice.
FISHER
Justice, yes. Paid, I dont know.
They like the idea, but my hands are
tied with budget restraints.
IKE
But Ill get my normal fee, right?
He walks away.
IKE
You want me to do it on spec?!
He follows him.
CUT TO:
EXT. MARYLAND HIGHWAY - DAY
We see Ike driving down the highway. The car sputters a little
as he and Fisher continue their conversation in voice-over. (If
needed by the editor.)
FISHER (V.O.)
Dont say "spec" like its a dirty word.
Nobody ever paid Shakespeare to write a
play! Plato never got a book advance...
IKE (V.O.)
Oh yeah! I happen to know from
reliable sources that Nietzche got
expenses and a rental car.
We hear Fisher laugh.
IKE (V.O.; contd)
Im going to make this work, Fish. Im
going to do it!
Ikes car drives into Hale, passing a billboard reading,
"Welcome to Hale."
CUT TO:
EXT. HALE STREET - DAY
Ike drives down picturesque Main Street. He passes Hale
Hardware. Sign says: "At Curl. Be back soon."
EXT. ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY
A BARBERSHOP QUARTET is singing in front of the only hotel in
town. Ike pulls up and goes inside.
INT. LOBBY/ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY
Ike has checked into the Atlantic Hotel. The clerk, LEE, hands
him his key. Ike asks about room service and the restaurant.
An OLDER WOMAN asks him if he plays bridge as he goes up the
stairs to his room.
EXT. HALE MAIN STREET - DAY
Ike exits his hotel as the Barber Shop Quartet finishes singing
"Camptown Races."
He now walks down the charming main artery of the town, looking
exactly like what he is: a cynical New York out of his element
on sunny Main Street, USA. KIDS ride by on bikes, streaming
balloons behind them. A balloon hits Ike on the face. As he
crosses the street, he mutters into his tape recorder:
IKE
I think Im in Maryberry.
Flags hang on all the storefronts and the place sparkles with
wholesome attitudes as PEOPLE greet each other familiarly. Ike
comes to beauty parlor called "Curl Up and Dye". The place is
doing business and crowded with WOMEN.
INT. BEAUTY PARLOR - DAY
Cindy, the manicurist, does Mrs. Pressmans nails. Maggie sits
on the floor next to Peggys salon chair, fixing the base of a
barber chair. She tightens a screw and looks up, satisfied.
Cindys dog is on the floor near Maggie.
MAGGIE
Cindy, you better 86 Sprout. He seems
to be enjoying the petroleum
distillates.
Cindy rolls over in her chair, picks up her dog and rolls back
to her station.
CINDY
Thats it. Back to obedience school.
MAGGIE
(to Peggy)
Okay -- have a seat... gently,
carefully.
Peggy sits in the chair. Maggie spins her around and around.
PEGGY
(delighted as
she spins)
Youre a goddess!
MAGGIE
I didnt even need to change this
gasket, just put in a little hydraulic
fluid.
PEGGY
Stop it. When you talk like that, I
get turned on and it frightens me.
JUST THEN. Ike enters the salon, taking off his sunglasses.
Peggy hops off the chair.
IKE
Hello. Im looking for Maggie
Carpenter. There was a sign at the
hardware store across the street...
PEGGY
Are you a reporter?
Its a little early in the game for Ike to be thrown off guard.
IKE
(shocked)
What?
PEGGY
(eyeing his loafers)
Its been our experience that anyone
with some sort of gewgaw on his loafers
ends up being another big city reporter
wanting to interview Maggie.
IKE
About her upcoming wedding and all.
PEGGY
No, about her getting that asshole from
New York fired.
Ike smiles down at his loafers and shrugs.
IKE
I am just such a reporter. And you are?
PEGGY
Peggy Phleming. Not the ice skater.
Peggy steps aside. Ike moves toward Cindy and Mrs. Pressman.
IKE
And who are these lovely ladies?
Te ladies shake his hand and introduce themselves.
CINDY
Cindy. Maggies unmarried cousin.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Mrs. Pressman. No relation.
PEGGY
And you are?
IKE
(turning toward her)
Looking for Maggie.
PEGGY
Yep. Maggie -- Someone to see you.
Maggie looks over from her sitting position on the floor. She
gives Ike the once-over, focusing on the shoes.
MAGGIE
(yelling to Peggy)
Reporter?
PEGGY
Yup!
Ike crouches to see Maggie on the floor just as she rises to her
feet. Ike straightens up. For a moment, he is thrown by her
beauty and intelligent eyes.
MAGGIE
I hope you have a different angle.
Its pretty much all been covered.
IKE
Originality is my speciality.
MAGGIE
Excellent.
PEGGY
Hold on -- Nobody interviews Maggie in
here unless theyre getting haircut.
MAGGIE
Shes the boss.
IKE
Sorry, no. I just got one.
MRS. PRESSMAN
(to Ike)
Excuse me, sir. I have an actual fact
for you.
IKE
(steps to Mrs. Pressman)
Yes, Mrs. Pressman.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Its her fourth time to the altar, you
know. Not seven like they said.
IKE
I know. Tell me something. Do you
think shes going to make it all the
way this time?
During the Ike/Mrs. Pressman exchange, Maggie looks at Ike.
Theres something familiar about him. She looks over at Peggy
and beckons her to a copy of Ikes column affixed to a mirror.
A goatee and horns, have been scrawled on Ikes byline picture.
Hes been "devilized". Peggy coughs as she recognizes Ike in
the newspaper clipping.
MAGGIE
She swallowed her gun.